Our field reporter Pam has wired to us two reports on the 22nd Democratic and 23rd Republican forums. The opinions are those of our intrepid reporter and not those of Ohio 2nd Blog or any of it’s affiliates. Rest assured that there are no claims of being “Fair and Balanced here at Ohio 2nd ;-) Your humble editor will post his opinions in the comments section later on.

Here’s her first report on her Democrats:

OHIO’S 2ND DISTRICT DEMOCRATIC
CONGRESSIONAL CANDIDATE FORUM
MAY 22, 2005

The following information is the opinion of the author and does not reflect the opinions of any organization or political party.

The Candidate Forum began with speeches by Ted Strickland, a Democratic candidate for the Governor of Ohio, Brewster Rhodes, a sharp Political Consultant who believes the Democrats actually may have a chance at winning this Special Election, and others.

Brewster had me all excited with all of his numbers and statistics and polls. Since this is a Special Election held on August 2, 2005, a time when the wealthy Republicans (pugs) flee the southwestern corner of disgustingly hot, humid, and dank Ohio for the cool breezes and oceanside delights of Bar Harbor, Maine. Let’s hope they are in such a rush to leave this sweltering pot of heat that they forget to mail in their absentee ballots. My head was swimming with statistics and numerical data that made me begin to believe….to believe that maybe with organization and motivation, the Democrats could actually give the pugs a run for that Pork Barrel in the Sky! Brewster told me of a vision where he saw CNN, MSNBC, all the major networks, plus Fox invade our sweet little corner of Ohio as the race between the Dems and the pugs heats up….after all, this is the first election after the stolen one of November 2, 2004. The mainstream media could not ignore us….since, this great state of Ohio is where that theft took place under the guardianship of Kenny Blackwell…who is now running for the Governorship of Ohio….(Watch out, Ted….Kenny determines who and how those votes are going to be counted.)

I begin to think that maybe we’ll have more celebrities come to town….maybe we can get Jon Stewart of ‘The Daily Show,’ or Bill Moyers, the retired (please come back) anchor of ‘Now.’ My fellow Ohioans rather miss all the attention we received last fall….Michael Moore spoke at the University of Cincinnati. Gloria Steinem, my idol, visited her home state. But most of the celebrities went to Cleveland….now all the action is in my corner of the state….down by that dark and dirty and the most God-awful tasting water in the northern hemisphere, the Ohio River.

I begin to think that we Ohioans can redeem ourselves in the eyes of the world….we will elect a Democrat. We won’t be seen as uneducated, war-loving, fearful small- minded people. We will begin to take back our country that has been molded using compassionate and neo-conservatism into some form of friendly fascism that only a southern Bible-thumping hypocrite can truly wrap his mind around and appreciate.

I am feeling pretty good sitting there in the audience with my ‘Somewhere in Texas, a Village is missing its idiot.’ We are going to show the world what Democrats can do….we will find our balls and ova and spines. And because it is such a small district, we can count these votes by hand….no theft allowed this time around. I finish my glass of wine (mandatory drink of the Dems) and I begin to see visions….balloons, confetti, raised fists. I feel happy….no, hopeful. We haven’t felt that around here for a long, long time.

Well, that feeling was fleeting as each candidate stood for their three minute allotted time segment to orate their grand plans for the 2nd District. These candidates had been sitting in front us on the dais the entire time. I had been eyeing their clothes, hair styes, shoes, and demeanors. With a little spit and polish, a couple of them could clean up mighty fine, I think.

First, we heard from an 82 year-old Jewish gentlemen (Arthur Katz – editor) who had fought in WW2 where he had met his wife…she converted to Judaism and they had raised a family together. He called himself a ‘people magnet.’ And I believe that. I really liked him. I want him to be my father. He was sincere, honest, funny….a gentleman and we know there are few of those left in this world, don’t we ladies? I am afraid his age will hurt his chances…but hey, wasn’t a professional wrestler elected as Governor of Minnesota? So stranger things have happened.

Second, was Vic (Victoria Wells Wulsin – editor), the only woman in the group. She is only 5’2’’ but full of spunk and brains. She grabbed a stool and stood on it so she could be as tall as the men. She as worked extensively in the healthcare field even with the Center of Disease Control. She has more letters after her name than an attorney and therapist put together. I wish I had half of her energy….in fact, if we could bottle her energy, I am sure we could lit the Cincinnati skyline for at least a week. She, too, spoke from her heart and I believe cares deeply for our country and is worried about the direction it is headed. I like Vic.

Third, the tall guy. He is so tall, he stoops. His posture is bad or he is beginning to acquire a ‘widow’s hump.’ The tall guy loves the Bible and he loves to talk about it. For a second, I thought I was in church listening to an evangelical preacher tell me of my incorrect interpretations of his Bible. My hopeful heart begins to crack around the edges. I wonder if he got the wrong party and was supposed to be at the Pug Forum across town.

Fourth, the tan man with the poodle hairdo…. (Paul Hackett – editor) This one needs the help of the extreme makeover staff. He was in that tanning salon way too long. Those curly little locks on the top of his head betray the warrior he tells us he is…this guy wants to fight. He spent two months in Falluja last year carrying 80 pounds of equipment and knocking down doors…’I don’t think a woman can do that.’ Nor do I care to, thank you very much, Mr. War Boy with the doggie do. Mr. War Boy needs to slick back that hair and start dressing during the daylight hours….talk about clashing clothes…Geez…it hurt my eyes to look at him…his fake tan didn’t match his jacket which didn’t match his tie, which didn’t match the pants….I could not bring myself to look at his shoes. And to top it off, I find out that War Boy has hired the teenager that ran the Kerry HQ in Cincinnati last year….How does someone who runs a terribly disorganized campaign come back to repeat? I know the answer!!! Because He Can. War boys stick together. Heart begins to ache.

Fifth, I have had my eye on this guy all evening. He looked like deer on the highway staring into my car’s headlights. Or was it that he had missed a dose of medication? He made me feel uneasy…like he would all of sudden start yelling or jumping up and down. Nope, he was just full of religion….lots of it. So much it was coming out of his eyes…they were as big as saucers. He loves his children…the oldest a boy who likes to fish, the middle one, a daughter who is the smartest person he has ever known….oops….’No, not smarter than my boys.’ And the smallest another boy….a smarter than his daughter boy. His wife has always been faithful to him. He is sure of that.

Sixth, was the only person of color. (Charles Sanders – editor) I have met met this man on occasion and I like him. A good handshake. He looks you in the eye when speaking to you. And he is a religious man….but it comes so natural to him. It’s not forced, not hypocritical…I think he tries to live his life so Jesus could respect him. And he knows how to dress. He has style, class, yet is down to earth and friendly with all. But will the 2nd District give him a chance?

There was a question and answer session where questions were pulled from a hat….then as the Forum came to an end, each candidate’s name was announced and the audience clapped according to their favorites….it seemed to me that it was between Vic and War Boy. As I walked to my car, I spoke to a couple of women that I had worked on the campaign with and they were enamored with War Boy….hey maybe they like fake tans? No, I think they want to ‘redo’ him….fix him up….change him into Prince Charming….remove the rough edges….tone down the testerone….at least I hope so. Isn’t all this testosterone what has gotten this country in the mess it is in the first place?